So today was probably the first time since I started living like I'm fit that my stress and depression took such a front row seat that I TOTALLY acted out with my food decisions. Some plans I made - BIG plans - fell through and it absolutely crushed me. So bad, in fact, that I went and had not one, but TWO pieces of birthday cake!
Sometimes things happen and you just get to the point where you're like, "I don't care - whatever - just give me the______________" (fill in the blank with chocolate, cake, ice cream, chips...whatever your go-to food item is).
One of the things I've read and tried my best to implement is the advice I got from one of my favorite podcasts, Half Size Me. The host, Heather, recommends that when you feel a binge coming on (and let's be real --- that was a binge for me even if I didn't take the whole cake at one time), to say to yourself, "This is not going to help me reach my end goal."
My end goal, of course is to lose weight and get healthier. And honestly, I think I thought about that little phrase, but I just didn't care. I was in full-blown pity party mode.
So far into that party mode, that when I came home, I had full intentions of putting my jammies on (which I did) and staying in bed the rest of the day.
But then I remembered my end goal. And I remembered those two pieces of cake I'd had today. And I remembered that I could still burn some calories, even if I did 'mess up' earlier.
So the happy ending is, I did my T25 cardio workout - nearly puked again - and feel a little less guilty about my actions today. (Side note: just for the record, I'm less concerned about the fact that I had birthday cake, and WAY MORE concerned about WHY I had birthday cake. It was a completely emotional decision. Not an "I want cake" decision, but more of a "I want to drown my sorrows in this yummy sugary icing" decision.)
But here's the thing. I'm totally aware that there will be (honestly, there have already been) days where I'm just not going to have the time or the get-up-and-go to correct something that I messed up on earlier. There may be days that I just cave and become the unfit Tabatha I was a few months ago.
The question then becomes "Can I recover from that point?"
Today---right now, I feel confident that I could. So maybe that will help with the next time. Since we're still human, still stuck here on planet earth, I'm pretty sure this won't be the last time.
So now I have to ask myself if it's enough to know I'm not going to do this thing - this living fit - perfectly and just do what I can, when I can? It's so hard to put up with imperfection coming from myself. But I guess that's part of this journey...accepting the good and the bad and doing the best I can with both.
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