25 Things - My 2015 Version

In lieu of a long, drawn-out post about my lack of weight loss this week (I think I'm doomed to have have no downward movement once a month), I'm going to do a new 25 things list.  If you're not familiar with this, many bloggers will publish a new 25 things list every so often.  There are really no rules (except the 25 part. Otherwise it'd be called a 24 things list, etc).  It can be thematic or random.  Most of the time, mine is random - mainly because I can't concentrate on one subject long enough to come up with 25 little-known facts to share.

1. Sticking with our new lifestyle has been challenging at times, but overall, it's been easier than I thought.  
2. I am really enjoying exercising at lunch.  Gets me out of the grind and makes my days even better. 
3. Sweating at lunch doesn't bother me as much as I used to think it would.  I'd much rather be sweaty and losing than smell pretty and keep gaining.
4. I've noticed the last few weeks my plantar fasciitis has pretty much gone away!  
5. I used to think that tensing up while I was exercising (running, couch-to-5K, etc) was what caused my after-work-out migraines, but now I believe it was getting my heart rate too high for too long.  The Lunchtime Express class I go to 3x/week has enough varied exercises that I can keep it from going too high for too long, but I really have to watch it in the Spin class I do 2x/week.  
6. My knees sound like maracas when I'm bending, climbing or squatting, and I'm praying that I can somehow reverse the damage by getting this weight off.
7. My Dad has stage 4 lung cancer that has spread to his liver.  We're waiting to hear from his most recent PET scan, but I've never been more scared of losing someone than I've been the last few weeks.
8. I love watching Downton Abbey.  A lot.
9. I am also a bit addicted to Fixer Upper on HGTV.
10. I (thankfully) haven't really WANTED a Mountain Dew in weeks, so that MUST be a major miracle!
11. If I didn't have a job I'd have a much cleaner house and be able to craft a LOT more.  I miss having time to craft, but I'd miss my paycheck more. LOL
12. I can't wait till I can get a heart rate monitor to start using when I'm working out.  
13. I post A LOT of fitness and weight loss related things on instragram so follow me if you don't already. My user name is tabrewis.
14. Also, add me on myfitnesspal.com - again, username is tabrewis.
15. My son is so smart!  He understands that flipping a house means you buy a house, remodel it and then sell it at a profit! How many 11-year-olds get that??  (Probably because his mommy watches so stinkin' much HGTV)
16. I received a great compliment last week about my writing.  
17. I owe any writing greatness to my high school Lit teacher, Mrs. James.  (She taught me for 3 years in Honors Lit.)
18. In another life, I would have been a band director, following after another of my mentors, Ms. Deborah Bradley.
19. My first speeding ticket was earned on my wedding day.  My dad "took care of it" as a wedding present. LOL
20. My husband and I get to go see the Blue Man Group for the first time in a couple weeks!  So excited!
21. I love going to youtube and listening to playlists from WorshipMob.  If you haven't heard of them, you should check them out.
22. My husband has lost 20+ lbs in the same amount of time I struggled to lose 6.  I'm happy for him....really! 
23. One of my absolute favorite things is when we tuck Col in at night and pray with him.  He's growing so fast!
24. I get distracted way too easily.
25. I'm feeling cruise fever again.  You should probably pray.  Or donate $$$ so we can take another cruise soon. LOL

Have a blessed week everyone!

No Longer Hiding

I know the last few months I've been REALLY quiet on my blog.  There was a reason, I promise!

Several months ago, Jerry and I applied for a casting call with a major network for a weight loss show.  (Not the Biggest Loser)  We made it through several cuts and were flown to LA for the final cut - only 16 couples had made it that far and we were so excited!  We just knew that our chance had finally come!  We'd be able to have access to trainers and therapists and nutritionists and FINALLY lose weight and be healthy!

Over those several months, we had to provide a ton of pictures and videos of us.  It was exciting at first, but after about the third time of them requesting even MORE pics, it was growing pretty thin.  "We need some full-body shots of you," they said.   I mean, don't they realize fat people don't like the camera?  That's why I take the pictures - I don't like to be in them!! ;-)

But somehow they still wanted us to come to the finals and meet with some big-wigs so they could find the best couples for their show.  So, of course we had to stay quiet in case we were chosen.

The flights were pretty cool.  It's been a while since I've flown (like 15 years!) and I kept taking pics of EVERYTHING to show our boy when we got back.  (Some great friends were taking care of him while we were gone.  Man, I missed that handsome little trouble-maker!)

Long story short, they did not choose us to be a part of this show.  I believe the words they used were they "decided to go in a different direction".  I was heart-broken.  And when I say heart-broken, I mean faith-shaking, mind-numbing desperation.

You see, in the interviews we had, I'm pretty sure we had two major strikes against us.  One: the producers thought Jerry couldn't live without me for any length of time (putting a kink in the show plans). LOL    And/Or Two:  They didn't think that once I lost the weight I'd be able to keep it off.

How many times have I been down this road, where I start to lose weight, start getting healthier and then just fizzle out?  Slowly returning to bad habits and gaining all my weight back and then some?

How could I go back home knowing that someone who had the power to give me every tool, every support person, every therapy session I'd need to be successful --- that person(s) didn't even believe I was worth the effort, because I'd probably just gain the weight back anyway.

Very few people knew where we were and what we were doing.  But how could I come home and face them, and face my son, and tell them that I/we failed in this most recent attempt to be a normal, healthy family?  I'd proven to myself time and time again that I can't do this on my own.  Why were we brought across the country just to be told we didn't have what it takes....again?

I was beginning to think it would have been better for me to come home in a coffin.

Then I started thinking about the poor guys who'd have to carry the coffin and started crying again because I'd still be a burden dead.

I can honestly say I have never been in as dark a place as I was that weekend.

But the show must go on, right?  I came back to a new job/promotion, so that was a good thing.  And we have a church to lead, and a sweet son to raise, so I kept putting one foot in front of the other.  Left, right, left, right....

We had talked quite a bit before flying out to LA about what we would do if we were chosen, if we were not chosen, etc.  We both agreed that no matter what, this HAS to be the year of change for us.  We joined the Y a couple months before flying out, although we hadn't really made full use of our membership (something one of the producers took great joy in pointing out -- "well, you have to use it, for it to do any good."  That was right before the casting director interrupted me to say, "You're done.  Time to leave."  Joyful banter, no?)

Jerry, I have to say, seemed unshaken.  He was my rock through this.  Always telling me, "we have this.  We know what to do. We have a plan, we just need to work the plan."

And so we have.  Jerry was fully on-board with making a lifestyle change as soon as we got back.  I honestly just went through the motions that first week.  I really didn't want to disappoint Jerry again, so I just kept going to the Y with my coworkers and ditched Mountain Dews (no Mountain Dews for me since 1/11/15!) and choosing better meals.

Since that first week, my mindset has done a complete 180!  Praise God, because that depression mess is exhausting!

Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday I go to Lunchtime Express Class (full-body work out during your lunch break) and recently have added Spinning on Tuesdays and Thursdays.   Once I figured out my calorie intake needs (I wasn't eating enough for all the exercising, can you believe it?), I've been losing an average of 2-3 lbs per week.  Which is what we want to do.

Jerry goes to the Y every morning to work out alone.  He says the "social work-out" is my thing, not his.  LOL

The best thing is this plan that we're on seems totally doable for the rest of...forever.  We're cooking more at home (saving the $$$, PTL!) and enjoying a healthy lifestyle.  Another thing that makes this feel so different and still so successful is that we (I) don't completely melt down if I eat too much or don't have my "healthy" lunch or dinner.  Because I know that the next meal will be back to our new normal.

So that's where I've been.  It's not something every pastor's wife might admit, but I'm not every pastor's wife.  I'm learning not to hide my faults as much.  It's exhausting to do that.

What have you been hiding that holds you back?  Talk to me!

PS>> For those who use myfitnesspal.com for tracking food and calories, look me up! My username is tabrewis.  Find my workout posts on Instragram under the same username (tabrewis).