25 Things - My 2015 Version

In lieu of a long, drawn-out post about my lack of weight loss this week (I think I'm doomed to have have no downward movement once a month), I'm going to do a new 25 things list.  If you're not familiar with this, many bloggers will publish a new 25 things list every so often.  There are really no rules (except the 25 part. Otherwise it'd be called a 24 things list, etc).  It can be thematic or random.  Most of the time, mine is random - mainly because I can't concentrate on one subject long enough to come up with 25 little-known facts to share.

1. Sticking with our new lifestyle has been challenging at times, but overall, it's been easier than I thought.  
2. I am really enjoying exercising at lunch.  Gets me out of the grind and makes my days even better. 
3. Sweating at lunch doesn't bother me as much as I used to think it would.  I'd much rather be sweaty and losing than smell pretty and keep gaining.
4. I've noticed the last few weeks my plantar fasciitis has pretty much gone away!  
5. I used to think that tensing up while I was exercising (running, couch-to-5K, etc) was what caused my after-work-out migraines, but now I believe it was getting my heart rate too high for too long.  The Lunchtime Express class I go to 3x/week has enough varied exercises that I can keep it from going too high for too long, but I really have to watch it in the Spin class I do 2x/week.  
6. My knees sound like maracas when I'm bending, climbing or squatting, and I'm praying that I can somehow reverse the damage by getting this weight off.
7. My Dad has stage 4 lung cancer that has spread to his liver.  We're waiting to hear from his most recent PET scan, but I've never been more scared of losing someone than I've been the last few weeks.
8. I love watching Downton Abbey.  A lot.
9. I am also a bit addicted to Fixer Upper on HGTV.
10. I (thankfully) haven't really WANTED a Mountain Dew in weeks, so that MUST be a major miracle!
11. If I didn't have a job I'd have a much cleaner house and be able to craft a LOT more.  I miss having time to craft, but I'd miss my paycheck more. LOL
12. I can't wait till I can get a heart rate monitor to start using when I'm working out.  
13. I post A LOT of fitness and weight loss related things on instragram so follow me if you don't already. My user name is tabrewis.
14. Also, add me on myfitnesspal.com - again, username is tabrewis.
15. My son is so smart!  He understands that flipping a house means you buy a house, remodel it and then sell it at a profit! How many 11-year-olds get that??  (Probably because his mommy watches so stinkin' much HGTV)
16. I received a great compliment last week about my writing.  
17. I owe any writing greatness to my high school Lit teacher, Mrs. James.  (She taught me for 3 years in Honors Lit.)
18. In another life, I would have been a band director, following after another of my mentors, Ms. Deborah Bradley.
19. My first speeding ticket was earned on my wedding day.  My dad "took care of it" as a wedding present. LOL
20. My husband and I get to go see the Blue Man Group for the first time in a couple weeks!  So excited!
21. I love going to youtube and listening to playlists from WorshipMob.  If you haven't heard of them, you should check them out.
22. My husband has lost 20+ lbs in the same amount of time I struggled to lose 6.  I'm happy for him....really! 
23. One of my absolute favorite things is when we tuck Col in at night and pray with him.  He's growing so fast!
24. I get distracted way too easily.
25. I'm feeling cruise fever again.  You should probably pray.  Or donate $$$ so we can take another cruise soon. LOL

Have a blessed week everyone!

No Longer Hiding

I know the last few months I've been REALLY quiet on my blog.  There was a reason, I promise!

Several months ago, Jerry and I applied for a casting call with a major network for a weight loss show.  (Not the Biggest Loser)  We made it through several cuts and were flown to LA for the final cut - only 16 couples had made it that far and we were so excited!  We just knew that our chance had finally come!  We'd be able to have access to trainers and therapists and nutritionists and FINALLY lose weight and be healthy!

Over those several months, we had to provide a ton of pictures and videos of us.  It was exciting at first, but after about the third time of them requesting even MORE pics, it was growing pretty thin.  "We need some full-body shots of you," they said.   I mean, don't they realize fat people don't like the camera?  That's why I take the pictures - I don't like to be in them!! ;-)

But somehow they still wanted us to come to the finals and meet with some big-wigs so they could find the best couples for their show.  So, of course we had to stay quiet in case we were chosen.

The flights were pretty cool.  It's been a while since I've flown (like 15 years!) and I kept taking pics of EVERYTHING to show our boy when we got back.  (Some great friends were taking care of him while we were gone.  Man, I missed that handsome little trouble-maker!)

Long story short, they did not choose us to be a part of this show.  I believe the words they used were they "decided to go in a different direction".  I was heart-broken.  And when I say heart-broken, I mean faith-shaking, mind-numbing desperation.

You see, in the interviews we had, I'm pretty sure we had two major strikes against us.  One: the producers thought Jerry couldn't live without me for any length of time (putting a kink in the show plans). LOL    And/Or Two:  They didn't think that once I lost the weight I'd be able to keep it off.

How many times have I been down this road, where I start to lose weight, start getting healthier and then just fizzle out?  Slowly returning to bad habits and gaining all my weight back and then some?

How could I go back home knowing that someone who had the power to give me every tool, every support person, every therapy session I'd need to be successful --- that person(s) didn't even believe I was worth the effort, because I'd probably just gain the weight back anyway.

Very few people knew where we were and what we were doing.  But how could I come home and face them, and face my son, and tell them that I/we failed in this most recent attempt to be a normal, healthy family?  I'd proven to myself time and time again that I can't do this on my own.  Why were we brought across the country just to be told we didn't have what it takes....again?

I was beginning to think it would have been better for me to come home in a coffin.

Then I started thinking about the poor guys who'd have to carry the coffin and started crying again because I'd still be a burden dead.

I can honestly say I have never been in as dark a place as I was that weekend.

But the show must go on, right?  I came back to a new job/promotion, so that was a good thing.  And we have a church to lead, and a sweet son to raise, so I kept putting one foot in front of the other.  Left, right, left, right....

We had talked quite a bit before flying out to LA about what we would do if we were chosen, if we were not chosen, etc.  We both agreed that no matter what, this HAS to be the year of change for us.  We joined the Y a couple months before flying out, although we hadn't really made full use of our membership (something one of the producers took great joy in pointing out -- "well, you have to use it, for it to do any good."  That was right before the casting director interrupted me to say, "You're done.  Time to leave."  Joyful banter, no?)

Jerry, I have to say, seemed unshaken.  He was my rock through this.  Always telling me, "we have this.  We know what to do. We have a plan, we just need to work the plan."

And so we have.  Jerry was fully on-board with making a lifestyle change as soon as we got back.  I honestly just went through the motions that first week.  I really didn't want to disappoint Jerry again, so I just kept going to the Y with my coworkers and ditched Mountain Dews (no Mountain Dews for me since 1/11/15!) and choosing better meals.

Since that first week, my mindset has done a complete 180!  Praise God, because that depression mess is exhausting!

Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday I go to Lunchtime Express Class (full-body work out during your lunch break) and recently have added Spinning on Tuesdays and Thursdays.   Once I figured out my calorie intake needs (I wasn't eating enough for all the exercising, can you believe it?), I've been losing an average of 2-3 lbs per week.  Which is what we want to do.

Jerry goes to the Y every morning to work out alone.  He says the "social work-out" is my thing, not his.  LOL

The best thing is this plan that we're on seems totally doable for the rest of...forever.  We're cooking more at home (saving the $$$, PTL!) and enjoying a healthy lifestyle.  Another thing that makes this feel so different and still so successful is that we (I) don't completely melt down if I eat too much or don't have my "healthy" lunch or dinner.  Because I know that the next meal will be back to our new normal.

So that's where I've been.  It's not something every pastor's wife might admit, but I'm not every pastor's wife.  I'm learning not to hide my faults as much.  It's exhausting to do that.

What have you been hiding that holds you back?  Talk to me!

PS>> For those who use myfitnesspal.com for tracking food and calories, look me up! My username is tabrewis.  Find my workout posts on Instragram under the same username (tabrewis).

Stand!

Life is funny.  When you think you have everything planned out, you will soon realize how "funny" life really is.  Sometimes I think God's two favorite words are "Oh, really???"

I have made plans, changed plans, forgotten plans, gave up on plans, and made plans again.

The last couple weeks have been weeks WITHOUT plans.  I  haven't been able to post like I wanted and things have been sooo busy!  There are things I want to share but I just can't, so I had a bit of writer's block.  And while I haven't done that great-- really I've been beating myself up over my choices lately --somehow the scale has remained the same. Which is actually a surprise. I thought I would have gained more than the 0.6 pounds I did, but maybe my choices weren't so bad after all?

Or maybe I was so intently focused on what I considered to be bad, that I didn't notice the good?

So this week I'm working on focusing better.  And just when I think I'm messing this up again I'm going to remind myself of a favorite scripture: When you have done all that you can to stand, keep standing! (My paraphrase)

Taking the BAD with the GOOD

Guess what!  We celebrated our SIXTEENTH anniversary weekend.  Kind of crazy, right?  When we got married there were people saying we wouldn't make it 3 months, so I think making it 16 years is pretty good.  And we are so going to enjoy the next 16 years, too! :-)

So today was probably the first time since I started living like I'm fit that my stress and depression took such a front row seat that I TOTALLY acted out with my food decisions.  Some plans I made - BIG plans - fell through and it absolutely crushed me.  So bad, in fact, that I went and had not one, but TWO pieces of birthday cake!

Sometimes things happen and you just get to the point where you're like, "I don't care - whatever - just give me the______________" (fill in the blank with chocolate, cake, ice cream, chips...whatever your go-to food item is).

One of the things I've read and tried my best to implement is the advice I got from one of my favorite podcasts, Half Size Me.  The host, Heather, recommends that when you feel a binge coming on (and let's be real --- that was a binge for me even if I didn't take the whole cake at one time), to say to yourself, "This is not going to help me reach my end goal."

My end goal, of course is to lose weight and get healthier.  And honestly, I think I thought about that little phrase, but I just didn't care.  I was in full-blown pity party mode.

So far into that party mode, that when I came home, I had full intentions of putting my jammies on (which I did) and staying in bed the rest of the day.  

But then I remembered my end goal.  And I remembered those two pieces of cake I'd had today.  And I remembered that I could still burn some calories, even if I did 'mess up' earlier.

So the happy ending is, I did my T25 cardio workout - nearly puked again - and feel a little less guilty about my actions today. (Side note:  just for the record, I'm less concerned about the fact that I had birthday cake, and WAY MORE concerned about WHY I had birthday cake.  It was a completely emotional decision.  Not an "I want cake" decision, but more of a "I want to drown my sorrows in this yummy sugary icing" decision.)

But here's the thing.  I'm totally aware that there will be (honestly, there have already been) days where I'm just not going to have the time or the get-up-and-go to correct something that I messed up on earlier.  There may be days that I just cave and become the unfit Tabatha I was a few months ago.

The question then becomes "Can I recover from that point?"

Today---right now, I feel confident that I could.  So maybe that will help with the next time.  Since we're still human, still stuck here on planet earth, I'm pretty sure this won't be the last time.

So now I have to ask myself if it's enough to know I'm not going to do this thing - this living fit - perfectly and just do what I can, when I can?  It's so hard to put up with imperfection coming from myself.  But I guess that's part of this journey...accepting the good and the bad and doing the best I can with both.

Was I crazy? - First A.M. workout with my man!

Well, we finally did it!  We got up at about 5:15 this morning and worked out togethe!.  Working out with my husband is a great experience.  We're close enough that we can be honest with each other, but we also look out for each other too.

Our morning workouts (thanks to a good friend who blessed us with this program) will actually consist of the T25 program.



For those of you familiar with Shaun T or the beachbody family of products, T25 is a shortened, more "focused" version of Insanity.  The great thing is it has a modifier for every move, so for people like me and the hubster, we can still keep up even though we're not bouncing and moving around like Shaun T.  We'll eventually be able to do the regular moves and the results will speak for themselves in the coming weeks.

Jerry's actually pretty excited about it - I haven't really seen him excited about exercising before.  To be fair, though, while cardio is my thing, he HATES cardio --he'd much rather weight train.  So of course he wasn't excited about exercising in the last few months - all I suggested was cardio, LOL!  But he's excited, which makes me even more excited!

We got up this morning and dragged ourselves into the living room to do the first work out: Alpha: Cardio.  Within the first 30 seconds , we were both "feeling it" in our hips and legs!  We pressed on through it, and at about 13-minutes in, didn't think we'd make it.  At about 23 minutes in, I thought I was going to vomit, but I guess since I didn't have breakfast yet, I would up being OK.  Jerry had do some deep breathing, too - but we made it!!  We finished it!!  I wouldn't say we nailed it, but bless God we finished it!!

I've been feeling good pretty much all day from it.  The hips and legs (and for some reason my right knee) are definitely feeling it as the day/night wears on, but we will be getting up again tomorrow to do Alpha: Speed.

It's a very interesting thing to work out with a buddy, though.  I've definitely got a little bit of a competitive streak in me, so I wind up pushing myself, but Jerry and I know each other well enough that we're looking out for each other too.  We were constantly telling each other, "watch your hip on that move" or "make sure your feet are facing forward when you go down"....just so we don't get hurt.  Or maybe so that we don't have to take care of each other if we do get hurt! - LOL

We did take some "before" pics last night, but of course those are going to stay hidden away until they can be compared to our AWESOME "after" pics ...coming in a few months.

Make it an awesome week, friends!

Made for Walkin' and some fave Apps!

Happy Thursday, everybody!

Today was a very emotional day for me - I was stressed to the max, and had planned on going walking before eating lunch.  My office is very supportive of us making fitness a priority, so I can go on a walk (or run, eventually) and come back and work a bit in the office in my work out clothes & "dry off" before putting my office clothes back on.  SUPER good thing, if you ask me.

Anyway, my "lunch time" got pushed back more than an hour, so by the time I got to go walking it was hot as Hades out there and I was mad as a hornet because *my* plans didn't go how I thought they should.  (You know how that is, right?)

But I still got out there and worked it.  This was my first walk-at-work time since probably April or May, and my first time walking on pavement without the family in a while.  If it's just me, my pace tends to be quicker than when I have my dear hubster and my 10-year-old with me.

So here's what myfitnesspal.com says about my workout:

So, 3 more minutes and I would have hit my daily work out goal of 30 minutes, but I'm not too worried about 3 stinkin' minutes!  According to this app, I rocked out my daily calories burned target, but I realize that's just an estimate.

Another app I used, mapmywalk, estimated my calories burned at around 250-something.  This is when I'd REALLY love to have either a fitbit or Jawbone UP to have a better estimate of my calories burned.  We all know that weight loss means you burn more calories and eat less calories, and I'm geeky enough to want an accurate read-out of all that data all the time! :-)

I've found out I'm a bit of an app junkie, though, when it comes to fitness apps. LOL - Here's a quick run-down of what's on my phone right now

sparkpeople (I'm thinking about making the switch, thought, to myfitnesspal.  Basically trying to find out which one I like better as far as inputting info and finding friends/support..  BTW, my username for sparkpeople is fit4tab if you want to find me!)

myfitnesspal (username: tabrewis if you want to find me)

endomondo (supposedly this fitness tracker will track treadmill workouts better than the others - I've only used it twice for treadmill workouts.  Once it did great & the other time didn't track well at all - which may have been user error, so the jury is still out on this one.)

C25K (Couch to 5K - love this!! It will supposedly integrate seamlessly with myfitnesspal for tracking, so I'll let you know if it's as good as they say.)

Runtastic (I used this quite a bit earlier this year when I was much farther along my Couch 2 5k journey.  I'm still making up the ground I lost now.)

MapMyWalk (I downloaded this just recently since I feel sort of like an imposter using Runtastic if I'm only walking at this point - LOL)

Half Size Me Weight Loss Coach (this is the app inspired by my favorite podcast.  I've just downloaded it, but you can set your own goals and it will keep your reminded of them when the going gets tough.  There's lots of audio encouragements and quotes that will keep you motivated to make the right decisions, whether you're dealing with a potential binge coming on, or dealing with grief and trying not to use things that happen to you as an excuse to eat poorly. It is NOT free, but at only about $2.99, I think it's worth it.  Oh - you can also set up "rewards" for yourself (like a mani/pedi or whatever makes you happy) for meeting goals.  Pretty cool)

Well, here's hoping our Friday is a LOT better than the rest of this week has been.  Both my dad and my grandmother are in the hospital tonight (just a few doors down from each other), so please say prayers for both of them and for our family.

A Quick Motivation Quote List

Whew, what a weekend! After a backache, and 3-day migraine, more trips to the chiropractor and getting to see most of our family over the weekend, I am pooped!  We've not started doing the morning work outs yet, since exercising with a backache and migraine is NOT my idea of fun...but I'm going to do that tomorrow morning, since my headache is gone, praise God!

Since I've been sitting a lot the last few days, I've had plenty of time to think about why I want my life to be different.  I've outlined a few of my motivation points, but today I thought I'd make a list of my favorite quotes to help me keep the focus when the going gets tough (as it's been the last few days).  Hope you enjoy too!  And feel free to share some of your favorite quotes in the comments!

"No matter how slow you go, you're still lapping everybody on the couch."





"You may be disappointed if you fail, but you're doomed if you don't try."






"I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me (HIS) strength." Phil 4:13






Make it a great week, y'all!