My First Race Recap

Saturday morning I did something a little crazy!  Some would say *a lot* crazy.  I did the Rose City Run 10k!!

What in the world?!  I'm still classified as "morbidly obese."  I can't run a mile straight.  I certainly don't look like a runner.  

But I did it.  All 6.2 miles.  I had trained in the weeks prior (not near as long as I probably should have, honestly.)  And I'd done 5 miles by myself a couple weeks ago, in preparation for the big day.  

So my plan was to keep up a steady pace throughout the entire race - I've heard the horror stories, where runners hit it hard to start with, and wind up struggling at the end.  

I downloaded an interval app that would make different noises when I needed to run, and again when I needed to walk.  Because can't run a lot on my own, I have to do it in intervals.  So I set the app for running for 1 minute, walking for two.  So that's my version of running.  Hey, don't knock it.  It's better than the couch.  

So the morning of the race, I was freaking out.  I mean, seriously. Freaking. Out.  FIGHTING to keep from having a panic attack.  Seriously.

Physically, I knew I could make it.  But there were several mental hurdles I was trying to get over.  

I didn't want to be last. (I'd looked up the past 2 years's finish times and the last person came in both years at 1:40, so I knew that was the time to beat.) I didn't want people looking at me and feeling pity for me because, "bless her heart, she's trying".  I didn't want to have the police car following me. I didn't want to have the medic cart pacing with me, probably thinking I was going to fall out. 

So when we arrived at the start line, we gathered with my coworkers and took the "before" pic.  My company is super supportive of any fitness endeavors, so we always try to represent them well.  I was seriously so nervous, I was having to concentrate on not breaking down.  Like, I could have boo-hoo cried or just thrown up all over everyone there. But I knew I couldn't give up now - we hadn't even started yet!

So we're lined up at the starting line.  I could barely hear the announcements and such, but I did notice that it didn't seem like people were lining up according to their projected pace.  The last 5k I did (a year ago), they had the runners group themselves at the starting line so that the faster ones were at the front, and the slower ones at the back.  I'm guessing that keeps down the traffic jams and possible injuries. 

But that didn't seem to be a problem here.  In a way, time seemed to crawl by while the coordinator was talking before starting the race, but before I knew it we were off!  I didn't want to start out running -- I had been just standing there with no warm-up and I do not want to deal with any plantar fasciitis mess again.  So I walked for the first minute or two, then started jogging until the next whistle in my earphones told me it was time to walk.  

Our course started on the beautiful bricked-roads of downtown Thomasville.  I hardly ever get to enjoy the downtown area, so it was kind of nice being in that environment.  I was just worried I'd step wrong or trip over a brick, so I kept my eyes down most of the time.  (Do other runners think about that?  Or just me?) I did not want to be spilling it at all, much less at the start of the race!  

All my coworkers are way more fit than me, so they were long gone at the start.  I honestly thought I was doing pretty good - and I was able to keep one of my coworkers in sight the entire race, and she's a lot smaller than me, so I was feeling pretty good.  I noticed about the second mile marker that there was a lot less people passing me -- but that was mainly because there was less people behind me left TO pass me.  

And of course, at this point, it starts raining.  RAINING. Do you know, I REALLY dislike rain.  I know, I know it's necessary.  But I don't like it.  So I prayed - "God, I can't handle this right now."  And --- no lie -- it stopped!  

Despite that God-wink, I started getting pretty down, but I kept reminding myself to keep going.  And several times I had to physically FORCE my feet to move quicker.  My thing is I'll run and feel good running, but I get tired so quickly.  I've worked up to a much better place than when I started, but about halfway through I couldn't keep running for the full minute, so I ran as long as I could each time it came up. 

Of course, during my recovery periods (2 minutes walking), I tried to keep my pace quick so that I wouldn't lose all the speed by walking too slow.   It was about this time that the last of the young-ish people walking/running passed me.  But I kept going.  

So about half-way through, I came to the realization that the last walk/runners had just passed me (an adorable older couple!).  I tried to use my run periods to overcome them, but I couldn't - I kept sliding back on my recovery periods.  So I just accepted it.  I was now the person the cop car with the blue lights (and, by-the-way --- EXTREMELY squeaky brakes!) was following.  

Between the 3rd and 4th mile, we passed by the local high school band playing fight songs (you know I'm a band geek, right?  I loved it!), and the cheerleaders were there too.  That was extremely thoughtful and appreciated.  But I was in a bad mood from being last --- and trying to breathe normally --- so I probably didn't appreciate it as much as I could have.  

About mile 5 or a little further, not only did I have the cop car following me, but the EMS medic golf cart was pacing with me.  I REALLY wanted to just look at him and say, "Listen, dude.  You're messing with my mojo.  Go somewhere!"  But he was just doing his job.  And he probably thought the chubby girl was going to fall out any minute, so I didn't say anything.  (Not that I could.)

Several times through out the course, we passed by families and spectators sitting in their little chairs cheering us on.  I didn't know any of them, but they were all very much appreciated.  Especially the two cute little boys (probably 3 and 4 years old) around mile 5 that cheered and clapped when they saw me.  They didn't know me from Adam, but they were happy to see me running. LOL

So we're coming upon "Heartbreak Hill".  This hill has quite the reputation, mind you.  It's the last hill before the finish line and apparently the place a lot of people have to stop or slow way down.   I've been able to keep the next person about 20 feet ahead of me - maybe less.  and the next person was about 20-30 feet ahead of him (my coworker).  Well, at Heartbreak Hill, the middle school cheerleaders and some cheerful, peppy adults were there to cheer us up the hill.  Someone was on a bull horn, saying things like "Push it! Push it! Rose City Run 2015! You're almost there!  Keep going!  You're less than a mile to finish! Go! Go! Go!"  That was kind of cool.  

So at the base of the hill I notice one of the adults had gone over to the man in front of me (about 10 feet in front of me now) and was patting him on the back and encouraging him.  Then next thing I know he was coming to me!  I was preparing myself to say thanks, ready for the pats on the back, and all that fuzzy, warm stuff to keep me going.  But then something crazy happened.

That man (I have no idea who he is) grabbed my hand, and said, "Come on, you got this!  Let's go run up that hill!" And he started running with me!  I'm like "o - o - OK". And I just run too.  

So here I am, all sweaty and exhausted and wondering where my next breath is coming from, and I'm running up the hill with this guy who's saying "you got this, you got this!" and I pass the man I'd been trailing for miles, and I get all the way to the top of the hill and finally started walking again.  And by the time I get there, my breathing probably sounded like I was hyperventilating!  But I did it.  And I just kept telling myself I'm not last.  I'm not last.  Don't slow down. Can't be last. Don't slow down.

I felt really good then.  Then just a few feet ahead - still breathing crazy hard, mind you - I nearly get run over by a cop car (I may be slightly exaggerating that part) and hear all this commotion about moving to the side, "here come the runners!"  I'm thinking, are you kidding?  The runners already finished!  But it was the kiddos doing their fun run!

First of all, they were super cute!  And some of them were tough!  But (and this is not a reflection on the kids - they all did great) there were still at least 10 or so 10K runners on the course and we were VERY close to the finish line - I'd say within a half-mile or so.  And we actually started running to get out of their way, but there was a LOT of confusion.  I think about 6 kids ran into my elbows or arms trying to get around me, and when we finally got to the chute, we back-of-the-pack 10Kers were not allowed through the chute.  We had to go around.  So we do not know our official times.  I asked a worker at the chute where we get our time cards and such but she was busy with the fun run kids, so of course she couldn't help me.  

According to my Runtastic app, I finished in 1:37:51.  

Here's my splits:

mile 1: 15:03

mile 2: 15:40

mile 3: 16:18

mile 4: 15:54

mile 5: 15:37

mile 6: 15:17

6.2: 16:56 slower because of having to go around the chute crowd/finish line and not remembering to turn my app off immediately at the line.  

If you're a runner, those probably seem REALLY slow.  But my best, best, best pace was 17:22 as of last week, so I'm pretty stoked with those times! 

My man and my sweet boy cheered me on a couple of times around the course - I found them waiting around mile 2 for me yelling and flashing our "I love you" sign language!   So precious!  

I did wind up getting a blister on my toe - really weird, because I knew not to wear new shoes or socks for a race.  No idea how that happened.  And of course, my legs were super tired and tight and exhausted and S-O-R-E.  But thankfully my Panaway oil helped me to walk mostly normal the rest of the day.  (and Sunday...and today...Love my Panaway oil blend!)

So, that's the (incredibly long) recap of my first 10K.  I can't say I'm looking forward to doing it again anytime soon.  But since this is a once-a-year thing here, I do have an entire year to plan for it and will be quite a bit lighter next time I try it.  

I have a 5k this coming Saturday, so that should be a piece of cake!! :-)  

By the way, I've lost a total of 18 lbs.  Many more to go, but happy for the ones I've lost.

The Deal with Spinning

What would we do if our lives weren't crazy sometimes?  LOL

Last weekend we had an awesome women's conference that our women's group attended.  I have to confess, with everything going on right now with my dad's health and the busy-ness of life, I just did not want to go.  But I'm so very glad I did!  It was just what I needed. Funny how God sets up little things just to encourage you and keep you going.  ;-)

So, as you know, I've been going to lunchtime express classes at our local Y on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.  Tuesdays and Thursdays are usually Spinning at lunch.  It took a lot for me to walk into my first Spinning class.  (And a lot to actually walk afterwards, but that's a different post...)  Now, I really miss it when I'm not able to go.

I really didn't know what to expect when I went to the first Spinning class.  I knew I'd be on a bike.  And sweating.  And I figured there'd be lots of skinny moms in there.  Or skinny college girls.  Or skinny anybodies.

Of course, when I got there, I realized I had assumed some things that were not particularly true.  Like thinking that everyone would be staring at me wondering who I thought I was kidding, trying to spin at the size I am...

Turns out, they were all very welcoming.  A lot of the group from the Lunchtime Express classes come to the lunchtime spin classes, so besides my coworkers, I still saw some familiar (and friendly) faces, so that helped.

So setting up the bike was slightly unnerving.  I kept thinking I was doing something wrong and I'd wind up falling off the bike.  Thankfully that didn't happen.

Here's the bikes (please excuse the pic quality - I'm not a great photog when I'm in motion. LOL)

 

So the most important thing I have learned is to make sure the seat is high enough so that you don't hurt your knees.  For the first few weeks, my seat was lower than it should have been.  I'm 5'6" and I had my seat lower than my instructor's seat -- and she's 5'3" I think.  So once she noticed that and I moved it up, I was in a much better position to really enjoy the class.

I also had to figure out how to get my feet into the straps on those pedals.  I wind up securing my left foot while my right is still on the ground, then I boost myself up to the seat and have to bend over from the seat to hold the straps far enough so that I can get my right foot in that pedal.  I feel like I'm about to fall on my face every time I do that - I mean I'm teetering on this teeny tiny seat!  But I've not fallen yet, and last time I was able just to slip my foot in without bending down to hold the straps.
The way our spin classes are, once the music starts, the lights go down and all you have are blacklights up top and rope lights around the floor.  We can still see to move around and such if we need, but it's a really cool effect they offer to kind of keep you focused.

We'll start with a warm up, which usually includes sprints (pedaling REALLY fast) and standing, and stretching your arms/shoulders, and hovering.  Hovering, for some reason, is still really hard for me to do.  That's when you see the cyclist off the seat, but bent over and resting their upper bodies on their upper arms, which are on the handlebars.

The instructor will make sure we have some pumping playlist and she calls out when she wants us to turn the resistance knob (to increase the resistance), when she wants us up, or down, or hovering, or ...(wait for it) ... doing jumps.  

I think jumps just might be a form of torture.  That's where you keep your pace pedaling, pedaling, pedaling and alternate standing and sitting - about every 2-4 pedals.  It's fast.  I can't do it yet.  My jumps are more like speed bumps. Or just REALLY, REALLY slow jumps.  Like I can get up and get down ONE Time in the time it takes someone else to do 3-4 jumps. But that's better than when I started.  When I started I didn't even attempt the jumps.

So usually by about 1/2-way through, I'm glancing at the clock, trying to count down the minutes until the end of the class.  And I've learned I had to really keep my heart rate in check.  In that class it's so easy to go, go, go and just keep going.  It is fun, even though sometimes I feel like I'm going to die. (Kidding!!) But if I let my heart rate get too high and stay too high, I wind up having a killer migraine by the time I get home.  So I have to back off a bit on the last half of the class.

By the time we leave, I get off that bike -- carefully, because my legs are like jelly and I REALLY don't want to face plant in front of the skinnies.  I can barely walk to the disposable wipes to wipe down my bike. There's sweat literally rolling down my back, dripping off my hair onto my neck.  My breathing is quick but deep.  And the pride that I feel for finishing another kicking fitness class is bubbling up through all that - making the muscle fatigue and the sticky work out clothes worth it.  I'm telling you, there is nothing like pushing yourself to the point that you think you won't make it, and then keeping on going a little further.  There's nothing like knowing I absolutely did my best.  It may not have been faster or longer than my neighbor's pace, but it was my best so far.  I just feel so accomplished.  So gloriously exhausted and accomplished.

So if you're thinking about trying something new - do it!  Don't let your preconceived notions about other people keep you from doing what YOU want to do.  Think about it - I spent most of my time before this class (and most any other time going to work out) judging the people who were going to be there because I thought they were going to judge me.  I started judging them first! LOL

Well, thank God some co-workers talked me into going that first time.  It was well worth it.

Now, for an update.  I've lost 10 pounds!  That seems such a small amount to me still (my weight loss journey began 1/12/15, so 10 lbs in 2 months doesn't seem like much for a woman like me), BUT I know I've lost inches.  Check out the difference in my face (stepping WAAAAAY outside my comfort zone now!).  The first pic is in mid-December with my beautiful prayer daughter K.  The second pic is last weekend with my other precious prayer daughter H.  You can just barely see a difference in my face - not as swollen, I guess.  And clothes are fitting better.  As much fun as it is to embrace this new fit life and enjoy working out as much as I do, I still struggle to keep my focus and not get discouraged when I see those numbers.  So I keep looking for things like this to kind of prove to myself that I am doing something right, I guess.

Here's to small steps -- it may take me a while, but I'll get there!

No Longer Hiding

I know the last few months I've been REALLY quiet on my blog.  There was a reason, I promise!

Several months ago, Jerry and I applied for a casting call with a major network for a weight loss show.  (Not the Biggest Loser)  We made it through several cuts and were flown to LA for the final cut - only 16 couples had made it that far and we were so excited!  We just knew that our chance had finally come!  We'd be able to have access to trainers and therapists and nutritionists and FINALLY lose weight and be healthy!

Over those several months, we had to provide a ton of pictures and videos of us.  It was exciting at first, but after about the third time of them requesting even MORE pics, it was growing pretty thin.  "We need some full-body shots of you," they said.   I mean, don't they realize fat people don't like the camera?  That's why I take the pictures - I don't like to be in them!! ;-)

But somehow they still wanted us to come to the finals and meet with some big-wigs so they could find the best couples for their show.  So, of course we had to stay quiet in case we were chosen.

The flights were pretty cool.  It's been a while since I've flown (like 15 years!) and I kept taking pics of EVERYTHING to show our boy when we got back.  (Some great friends were taking care of him while we were gone.  Man, I missed that handsome little trouble-maker!)

Long story short, they did not choose us to be a part of this show.  I believe the words they used were they "decided to go in a different direction".  I was heart-broken.  And when I say heart-broken, I mean faith-shaking, mind-numbing desperation.

You see, in the interviews we had, I'm pretty sure we had two major strikes against us.  One: the producers thought Jerry couldn't live without me for any length of time (putting a kink in the show plans). LOL    And/Or Two:  They didn't think that once I lost the weight I'd be able to keep it off.

How many times have I been down this road, where I start to lose weight, start getting healthier and then just fizzle out?  Slowly returning to bad habits and gaining all my weight back and then some?

How could I go back home knowing that someone who had the power to give me every tool, every support person, every therapy session I'd need to be successful --- that person(s) didn't even believe I was worth the effort, because I'd probably just gain the weight back anyway.

Very few people knew where we were and what we were doing.  But how could I come home and face them, and face my son, and tell them that I/we failed in this most recent attempt to be a normal, healthy family?  I'd proven to myself time and time again that I can't do this on my own.  Why were we brought across the country just to be told we didn't have what it takes....again?

I was beginning to think it would have been better for me to come home in a coffin.

Then I started thinking about the poor guys who'd have to carry the coffin and started crying again because I'd still be a burden dead.

I can honestly say I have never been in as dark a place as I was that weekend.

But the show must go on, right?  I came back to a new job/promotion, so that was a good thing.  And we have a church to lead, and a sweet son to raise, so I kept putting one foot in front of the other.  Left, right, left, right....

We had talked quite a bit before flying out to LA about what we would do if we were chosen, if we were not chosen, etc.  We both agreed that no matter what, this HAS to be the year of change for us.  We joined the Y a couple months before flying out, although we hadn't really made full use of our membership (something one of the producers took great joy in pointing out -- "well, you have to use it, for it to do any good."  That was right before the casting director interrupted me to say, "You're done.  Time to leave."  Joyful banter, no?)

Jerry, I have to say, seemed unshaken.  He was my rock through this.  Always telling me, "we have this.  We know what to do. We have a plan, we just need to work the plan."

And so we have.  Jerry was fully on-board with making a lifestyle change as soon as we got back.  I honestly just went through the motions that first week.  I really didn't want to disappoint Jerry again, so I just kept going to the Y with my coworkers and ditched Mountain Dews (no Mountain Dews for me since 1/11/15!) and choosing better meals.

Since that first week, my mindset has done a complete 180!  Praise God, because that depression mess is exhausting!

Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday I go to Lunchtime Express Class (full-body work out during your lunch break) and recently have added Spinning on Tuesdays and Thursdays.   Once I figured out my calorie intake needs (I wasn't eating enough for all the exercising, can you believe it?), I've been losing an average of 2-3 lbs per week.  Which is what we want to do.

Jerry goes to the Y every morning to work out alone.  He says the "social work-out" is my thing, not his.  LOL

The best thing is this plan that we're on seems totally doable for the rest of...forever.  We're cooking more at home (saving the $$$, PTL!) and enjoying a healthy lifestyle.  Another thing that makes this feel so different and still so successful is that we (I) don't completely melt down if I eat too much or don't have my "healthy" lunch or dinner.  Because I know that the next meal will be back to our new normal.

So that's where I've been.  It's not something every pastor's wife might admit, but I'm not every pastor's wife.  I'm learning not to hide my faults as much.  It's exhausting to do that.

What have you been hiding that holds you back?  Talk to me!

PS>> For those who use myfitnesspal.com for tracking food and calories, look me up! My username is tabrewis.  Find my workout posts on Instragram under the same username (tabrewis).

Stand!

Life is funny.  When you think you have everything planned out, you will soon realize how "funny" life really is.  Sometimes I think God's two favorite words are "Oh, really???"

I have made plans, changed plans, forgotten plans, gave up on plans, and made plans again.

The last couple weeks have been weeks WITHOUT plans.  I  haven't been able to post like I wanted and things have been sooo busy!  There are things I want to share but I just can't, so I had a bit of writer's block.  And while I haven't done that great-- really I've been beating myself up over my choices lately --somehow the scale has remained the same. Which is actually a surprise. I thought I would have gained more than the 0.6 pounds I did, but maybe my choices weren't so bad after all?

Or maybe I was so intently focused on what I considered to be bad, that I didn't notice the good?

So this week I'm working on focusing better.  And just when I think I'm messing this up again I'm going to remind myself of a favorite scripture: When you have done all that you can to stand, keep standing! (My paraphrase)

A Quick Motivation Quote List

Whew, what a weekend! After a backache, and 3-day migraine, more trips to the chiropractor and getting to see most of our family over the weekend, I am pooped!  We've not started doing the morning work outs yet, since exercising with a backache and migraine is NOT my idea of fun...but I'm going to do that tomorrow morning, since my headache is gone, praise God!

Since I've been sitting a lot the last few days, I've had plenty of time to think about why I want my life to be different.  I've outlined a few of my motivation points, but today I thought I'd make a list of my favorite quotes to help me keep the focus when the going gets tough (as it's been the last few days).  Hope you enjoy too!  And feel free to share some of your favorite quotes in the comments!

"No matter how slow you go, you're still lapping everybody on the couch."





"You may be disappointed if you fail, but you're doomed if you don't try."






"I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me (HIS) strength." Phil 4:13






Make it a great week, y'all!

Big Announcement- 1st Month Weigh In Results

So, I wasn't going to weigh in today-- I've hurt my back and had to go to the chiropractor and basically have been feeling sorry for myself. But just for the heck of it, I weighed in-- midday, which is a big no-no!  And the results are.....

I LOST EXACTLY TEN POUNDS IN THIS LAST MONTH!  Considering the birthday parties this week, I think that is monumental! 

It had to have been mostly due to the fact that I'm drinking soo much water instead of soda, and the fact that I've seriously curtailed the sweet snacks in favor of protein-rich snacks.  

ANNNNNDDDD, as soon as my back heals, I've talked dear hubster into getting up with me each morning to work out.  I need him to hold me accountable for getting my morning work out in, so for a trade-off, if he does my morning work out with me, I will do whatever evening work out he wants to do - with no complaining!  LOL - He loves biking, but it's one of my least favorite things to do (my balance isn't the best).  But I can trade off a little biking or tennis for some yoga or bootcamp in the morning! :-) 

Woot woot! Thank you, Jesus! :-)

What NOT to Say

(**Disclaimer: This post was incredibly fun &  liberating to write.  My husband said it's "in your face" writing. LOL  --The more I wrote, the more came out.  It's definitely more abrupt than I usually go with, but, hey,  it's what I've got today.)

I've been down this road a few times and if I have to hear some well-meaning (usually incredibly skinny) woman look at me (usually with her perky head tilted, and a fake smile lighting up her botoxed face) and give me anymore unsolicited diet advice, I might just scream!  Or cry.

OK, OK! I'm a lot more vocal here in the safety of this blog, so I probably would just stew about it a while. Silently.  And probably give myself a headache from the stewing... LOL

We've all probably been there.  So for our skinny friends and family, I have put together a "no-no" list so to help them know what NOT to say to ANY overweight person, much less someone who is working hard at shedding the pounds.

1. "Have you tried not eating as much?"  Ummmm. Yes.  Have you tried not breathing as much? Seems extreme (and admittedly more than a little bitter - LOL) but to someone who OBVIOUSLY has a problem controlling their food intake, do you really think there hasn't been times that we HAVEN'T tried to control our urges better?  I don't want to go off on a tangent here, but I can tell you from experience: When someone has a food addiction or eating disorder like binge eating, it takes a LOT more effort to lose weight than just eating less.  You see, my body and mind has gotten used to having emotional triggers tell me when to eat and how much to eat.  Your body can tell you when to stop eating, but I have shoved that part of me down for so many years that I'm still trying to find that part!  I didn't realize how far I had gone until one day I realized that the meal I had just sat down and ate was more than most MEN would eat - and I was still wanting more!  That's what I'm having to deal with.  Not just putting less food on my plate.  I'm having to learn how to eat, and when to eat, and what to eat.  So let's not over-simplify this to make you feel better, hmmm?

2.  "You're on a diet? Me too!  I just feel so fat ... I've got to get this five/ten pounds off me so I can get back to my goal weight!"   5 pounds, huh? So that'll put you at what, 120?  Coincidentally, that's amount of weight I'm trying to lose, myself!  I'm trying to lose one of you!  Seriously, I get that everyone has a battle, but I've got about 20 times more battle than that.  I naturally compare myself to others (and I know I'm not the only one!!), so when I look at your five pounds you *have* to lose, all I see is that my amount is WAY more than yours, and in my mind WAY harder to achieve, giving me WAY more chances to fail.  Does that make sense?  Probably not, but that's what goes through my mind.  Especially when someone with only 5 lbs to lose complains about being fat to the fat girl.  Seriously?

3.  "You should try the XYZ diet!  My boyfriend's mom's sister's baby-daddy's cousin did that and lost like 40 pounds in 6 weeks!"  Wow, that's awesome!  How much did they lose after the 6 weeks?  How much did they keep off?  Like I said, I've been down this road enough to know fad diets work for a time but they fail in the long run.  I don't have time to waste anymore.  I appreciate the offer, but I've got to stick with what works - burning more calories than I take in.  But give your boyfriend's mom's...friend... all the best from me, 'K?

4.  "You're doing so good losing that weight!  Come here and eat some of this deep-fried comfort food with a triple-side of this sugary dessert!"  Oh, my word!  This, my friend, is what you call an enabler.  LOL  For the most part, I believe they truly want you to succeed, but the only way they know to support you is to do what you have always done with them - eat together.  And eat A LOT together.  Really, if you feel the urge to say anything like this to someone trying to lose any amount of weight, please just keep it simple.  Don't offer to reward me for doing well. (Unless it's cash.  Rewarding in cash is ALWAYS acceptable.)  Just let me know that you're proud of me.  That's really all I need anyway.

Working Through the Label I've Given Myself

I realize I shared A LOT in the last two posts - and was definitely more transparent than I have *EVER* allowed myself to be on this subject.  To be honest, I'm still wondering if I shared too much.  But what's done is done, so we're all stuck with it.

I realize, too, that the main reason I still have a problem with it is due to my need to be seen a certain way.  I have a real problem with how I think other people see me - I've always wanted to be accepted, but it's more than that.  And being a Pastor's wife is part of it - feeling the need to be perfect all the time, etc.  - but I can't blame it all on that.

The thing is, I can let myself get absolutely sick worrying about whether this person thought I wasn't good enough when I did xyz, or that person thought I was being uppity because I was too shy to speak.

So admitting that I have an issue with food - that's one thing (OK, a blind man could tell I have an issue with food).  But telling the world that my issue centers around binge eating makes it REALLY personal and really amps up the vulnerability factor for me.  I mean, who would want to seek advice or even a friendship if their Pastor's wife/women's leader, co-worker, mom, sister, etc. had such a huge problem when it comes to controlling their food intake. And, yes, I also realize that is flawed thinking, but for so long it has been MY thinking, so that's part of what I'm working through.

I know I'm not the only one that feels this way - it just seems that way sometimes! ;-)  That's one of the reasons why I decided to restart this blog and document my journey.  Because I know this journey isn't just a physical one.  And maybe there's someone else out there who feels too vulnerable to put their issue out there like this.  Maybe they can find some peace and help through my story.  Granted, my story is still being written, but I'm OK with that.

I did want to address the whole misconception that fat people just need to eat less or move more to be healthier.  On the surface, that's true.  The formula for successful weight loss is simply to burn more calories than you intake. Sounds easy enough, right?

Of course it is!  .....  If you take out emotions and addictions.  But let me tell you: I haven't figured out how to do that, so here we are stuck again.  Stuck in our stinkin' thinkin'.

For years, I didn't think I had an issue like binge eating.  I just thought I was fat because I like food.  Well, the thing that I'm having to learn is this:

Food is just food!

I may think I love food, but food sure doesn't love me back.  And my "love" for food is simply a false emotion anyway.  There's another emotion under there somewhere that is making me want the comfort or distraction of food so that I don't feel that underlying emotion, whatever it is.  

I used to think it was boredom.  I totally think that's a valid emotion, right? 

Now I've realized for me,  it's definitely stress-induced.  Having a hard day at work means you would see me stopping my the convenient store to get a 20-oz Mountain Dew and a Nanee's (local bakery) fresh apple fritter.  (And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I gained back the weight I lost earlier this year so stinking quick!)

Seriously, if my husband was picking me up from work on those days (usually they were days I'd get a call from an irate customer or days I made a mistake on my paperwork), I'd send him a text that said, "bad day.  need a MD and snack."  And, God love him, my husband would bring me exactly what I asked for.  He really spoils me rotten anyway - I'm not ashamed to admit that! :-)

But now I'm learning to direct my attention elsewhere.  Having this blog as an outlet has definitely helped with that.  But another thing that has helped is actually some advice I got from my favorite podcast, "Half Size Me".  (Check it out - on iTunes or Stitcher radio, or go to halfsizeme.com.)  When a binge eater feels the urge to binge, Heather (the host, who went from 315lbs to 150-ish by learning to have a healthier relationship with food) suggests you say to yourself, "I am choosing to eat these 4 donuts even though this will NOT contribute to my goal of reaching a healthy weight." (or insert whatever your goal is).  

She actually suggests saying it out loud, but I'm not to the talking-to-myself stage yet. :-)

I think this post is getting really long, so next post, I will delve into the mindset of a binge eater, versus the mindset of a healthy eater.  I believe there are way too many assumptions and stigmas that hold the obese population of America back.  Some of them are put on us by the skinnies, but - let's be real - some of them are put on us by our worst enemy: ourselves.

On a lighter note, despite the crazy weekend and a binging episode that totally knocked my feet out from under me, I am somehow DOWN almost 4 lbs!  That means in 3 weeks, I've lost 9 lbs.  I credit the lack of freedom from Mountain Dews, and drinking about 100 ounces of water each day.

What small changes have you made this week to help you reach your goal?

More Questions Than Answers

Sometimes you just have no words, you know?  This week started out normal.  Monday was...a Monday.  Getting used to those.

Tuesday morning we woke up to the news that one of our dearest brothers in Christ passed away without much warning at all.  He had just talked to the hubster last week, asking for us to pray for one of his daughters.  He was always thinking of others, and really was the epitome of a hard worker.  I can still hear him calling out to Col at church, "Boy, you better get over here and give me a hug!"  Ten years ago, when we moved back to Georgia, John and his bride took us out for our first dinner in Savannah and showed us such love...we bonded almost immediately with them and really they became an extension of our family in the years we served in Savannah.

We are heading for his memorial service tomorrow and I'm just not sure I'm ready to say goodbye to someone who brought so much joy to so many people.  This is definitely one of those times when I just don't have the answers.  I just don't understand.

I had considered keeping all of this out of my blog, but have decided to include it because this week has helped me to learn some things about myself.  I'm becoming my own behavioral study.  Let's face it:  I did not get this size by only eating 1 serving size at only 3 meals a day.  I am an emotional, binge eater.  I need to find out what my triggers are, so that I can prepare myself for living a FIT life.  Not a "morbidly obese" life.

Now, those are some strong words.  I have not labeled myself in that way before.  At least, not out in the open.  I. DO. NOT. LIKE. ADMITTING. MY. FLAWS. And I definitely see this as a flaw.

Here's what Mayo Clinic says about binge eating:

Binge-eating disorder is a serious eating disorder in which you frequently consume unusually large amounts of food. Almost everyone overeats on occasion, such as having seconds or thirds of a holiday meal. But for some people, overeating crosses the line to binge-eating disorder and it becomes a regular occurrence, usually done in secret.

When you have binge-eating disorder, you may be deeply embarrassed about gorging and vow to stop. But you feel such a compulsion that you can't resist the urges and continue binge eating.

This is a truly humbling experience to put all this out there like this.  I'm a closet binge-eater.  When people are around, I make healthy choices (like at work), but when it's just me, I might stop and get WAY too much snack food and eat it all before I get home, hide the wrappers so the hubster doesn't see how much I ate.  Then when I get home have dinner.  Way too many calories, and they're empty calories at that..

So what causes me to binge eat?  To stuff myself till I'm miserable - so frequently that there's no way I could EVER burn off all those calories.  To KNOW that what I'm doing is unhealthy, but switch off my mind so that I can mindlessly consume thousands of calories more than I need?

Well, that's an intensely personal question, and maybe one day you'll know, but suffice it to say, I'm working through that.

I think that's why I have such a peace (to put it church-y) that this time is different.  I've tried so many times to lose weight, and some times were more successful than others - but none were lasting.  So, I've been asking myself these last few weeks, "What am I going to do to make sure this time doesn't turn out like all the others?"

One of the first steps to to live like I'm already fit.  Making those decisions NOW instead of waiting till I'm healthy.  I think a lot of times people feel like if they could just lose the weight, they'll magically start wanting only healthy foods and habits, but I've come to realize that doing so is just a recipe for disaster.

But the most important step, in my opinion, is to figure out why you do what you don't want to do (i.e. overeat/binge eat) and what triggers we can avoid to make those healthier decisions easier to make.

So I made some unhealthy choices in my food after work this week.  I'm telling you, at work -- no problem!  I only eat what I bring to work.  I can't just run to the drive through for something different, so I'm "stuck" with what I bring.  And I only bring healthy stuff.

After work is a different story.  If we have it planned to have a healthy dinner at home - and we have what we need to cook that dinner - then I'm good to go.  It's when we go out and have to make decisions on the fly that I wind up choosing something high-calorie, because it's my "last dinner" at this place and the "next time" I'll be healthier.

So I've learned that about myself.  That I need to always plan ahead - even if we are going out to eat.  Thankfully, SparkPeople.com makes looking up estimated calories easy, so we definitely used that this week!

And another thing that I've known for a while that I'm finally putting into practice these last few weeks is doing away with the "all or nothing" attitude when it comes to food choices  Many times in the past, if I had a high-calorie meal (say, a country fried steak dinner at Cracker Barrel), I'd beat myself up about it and wind up making poor choices the rest of the week because "I already messed it up - might as well start again on Monday..."

This time, I'm absolutely living by the 80% rule -- it's what you do 80% of the time that matters in the long run (at least where my diet and fitness is concerned.).  Yes, I made a poor choice at dinner the other night, but when I got home, I was totally ready to "begin again" and kept making healthier choices for my food the rest of the time.  (As opposed to feeling guilty about it and then drowning my guilt in a double- or triple-portion of high-calorie ice cream, maybe even with some Mountain Dew to wash it down - LOL)

So, the take home from this week is a two-part.  1) Understand what influences your poor decisions; and 2) If you make a poor decision, get up and keep going!  Don't keep wallowing where you are - you just get dirtier and stinkier and fatter, and no one (especially you) will like that.

By the way, this week the scale showed I lost an even 2 pounds!  I'll take it!

Keep going!

4 more, more, more!

How has your week been? Have you made any changes for the good?

I've had a crazy week...but then I should be used to that by now. LOL

I've done pretty good at staying within my calorie range, except for a couple days over the weekend.  Visits with friends and a sick day will mess with your thinking when it comes to making good decisions on calorie intake, but all in all it's been good.  I've been able to drink a ton of water pretty much every day and haven't had a Mountain Dew since Sunday, I think.  Y'all know....that's like a year in Mountain-Dew-Addiction time.  Yay, me!

So I've committed to drinking four 20-ounce bottles of water per day.  For someone who likes soda so much, I find it interesting that I can't stand flavored water.  I've tried several types - from those I.C.E. flavored water, to the drops you put in your own water - and I would just rather drink plain old, cold water.  Weird, right?  At least I don't have to worry about hidden calories in flavored water, I guess!

I've learned that if I can drink a 20-ounce bottle of water by the time I get to work, then I can have a cup of coffee at work and finish the day strong with my other 3 bottles of water by the time I go home.

Side note: I tried just drinking tap water in a reusable cup instead of using all those bottles of water, but our tap water at work has been tasting wonky, and no one likes to drink nasty tasting water.  So Sam's Choice 20-ounce waters it is.

I had very seriously considered staying off the scale for several weeks before I weight myself again.  I know of several people with my amount of weight to lose who wound up being very bound by their dependency on the scale - one of my favorite podcast leaders would weigh herself in up to 5 times a day!!  I definitely don't want to switch one form of bondage for another, so I'm trying to keep things in perspective.

Having said all that, I did jump on the scale yesterday before I left work just to see where I was standing.  Mind you, this was an AFTERNOON weigh-in.  Normally I weigh in right as soon as possible after getting ready for the day, before I even eat or drink anything.  But yesterday was a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing.

Well, I've lost 4 lbs in a week!  (technically 8 days)

And, yes, I've done this enough times to know it's the "water weight" we've all heard of and the weeks from here on out may not have numbers that high.  I'm OK with that.  For one thing, I can't lose the fat weight till I get the bloat off...but for another, I'm more interested in my weight loss number after several weeks.

I want to look at the weekly weigh in as a scale to measure my success in creating a more active lifestyle for that week...sort of just making sure I'm steering myself in the right direction.  If I get too bogged down worrying about whether the scale is going to show another 4 lb loss or not, I won't ENJOY the daily efforts I'm putting in to change my long-term health.  Does that make sense?

Looking back, here are somethings I know I did right:
*drinking LOTS of water
*cutting WAY back on my Mountain Dews
*scaling back my late night snacking
*went to eat at Applebee's Sunday with our friends and chose a VERY HEALTHY and SOOOOO YUMMY meal that came in at under 500 calories!

And things I'd like to work on this week:
*Being more active after work
*keeping my night snacking in check

Speaking of being more active, we went biking as a family tonight - 1.23 miles.  It was only about 10 minutes, but I think nearly every one of those minutes was uphill!!  We all enjoyed it though.  I was so please that my hubby enjoyed it, too.  I had chosen a shorter route, because I didn't know if he'd be good with pushing as much as I wanted to, but he surprised me and suggested the route we took!  Yay, Hubster! Of course our son was loving every minute of it and wanted to do more.  Love it!

Before I sign off, I wanted to show you something I found that I WILL be trying soon!!

These are 911 Emergency Chocolate Cookies!  (follow the link for the recipe)  The description says the taste like corner brownies, are 102 calories per serving and since they are cookies, portion control is almost built in!  I do have my Ziploc Snack bags on hand though. ;-)  Can't wait to try it.  We all need some chocolate in our diets, right?

Let me know what worked for you this week!  (and if you try those cookies, share those too!)

Welcome back, world!

Well, hello there!  It's been a while, hasn't it!?!?  I kind of feel like I should write pages of updates on all the changes and updates that have happened in my little family's lives, but that would take up way too much time on my end and yours!

I admit it, I fell off the wagon.  A few times.  Got REALLY distracted by life and stress and really just took my focus off my mission of living like I'm fit.

But.... After our move last year to Ochlocknee (yes, that's the name of our town), God absolutely placed me in a job where nearly every person there is a fitness freak enthusiast, so I've had some majorly positive peer pressure going on at work.  In fact, the truth is I was and am more than a little intimidated at their level of fitness - and their dedication to it.  So I'd make some good choices while I'm at work -- like bringing my Healthy Choice lunches, etc.  -- but for the most part, it wasn't a full-time commitment.

At the beginning of this year, we all took part in "Team Lean" which is a weight-loss contest our area does each year.  I was so excited about it that I actually coordinated one at our church (Our church is The Bridge Church of God, so our contest at the church was fittingly called "BRIDGEST Loser"...cute, right?).  Well in about 12-ish weeks, I lost a bit over 15 pounds!  Had a great time doing it too!  Even at my morbidly obese weight, I actually started RUNNING and even walk/jogged a 5K in my hometown in honor of my dad, who became a lung cancer survivor this year!

Then I became less focused since the contests were over (by the way, I got 3rd place at work!).  Drinking the Mountain Dews again (that part-- the Mountain Dew Struggle--  hasn't changed in the 3 years of having this blog)...not exercising as much...being a LOT more indulgent with my food choices.

To say I fell off the wagon doesn't quite cover it.

I JUMPED OFF THAT WAGON!

Then, last week I stepped back on the scale again for the first time since the weight loss competition ended...and realized that not only did I gain those 15 lbs back...I added another 5 lbs just to even out the equation!  I was SOOOOOOOO disgusted.  Disappointed.  Depressed.

After wallowing for a while, I just had to come to conclusion that I HAVE to be in control of this day in and day out.

I've dieted off again and on-again for years now.  I know nearly everything there is to know about the science of weight loss, some of the psychology of weight loss and have tried (and sometimes succeeded with)  several different  methods of weight loss in my adult life.

Now it's time to stop the dieting and start living like I'm fit.  Like I said I would when I first started this blog.

I've learned I am definitely one of those people that has to have my inspiration and motivation in my face, day in and day out.  So I will be updating my blog a LOT more often, and I've got a few tricks up my sleeve I'll be telling you about as I journey along.

So, to keep me accountable, let me close by encouraging you to find me on sparkpeople.com - my username is fit4tab.  Also, can I ask you to post comments - even questions - on my blog posts?  And when you read, share my posts to get others to read?

Basically, I need you --- my unknown audience --- to put my story out there as it is being built.  Because I've also learned that I am someone who will do something quicker if I know someone else is counting on it.

Thanks for visiting!  Y'all come back, now!

Still Standing..

I'm still here!!!  It's been such a CRAZY summer!  4 of our nieces (well, the ones 8 years and older) came to spend a week with us in consecutive order (most of them made it the whole week), my Dad joined the party one of those weeks, we've had youth camps, funerals, birthdays and anniversaries, spend-the-nights, the premature birth of my may-as-well-be nephew, and actually worked in a date night for me and the hubs!  My fitness has absolutely taken a back burner and it shows...One of my reasons for not posting is, of course, the guilt I feel about not doing my best.  But, I'm trying to get over that. I actually get irritated because I don't WANT to NOT drink a Mountain Dew or NOT eat an unhealthy snack.  I totally understand Paul when he mentioned in the Bible something along the lines of "the things I don't want to do, I do and the things I want to do, I don't do."  I'm totally there.

So pray for me as I put one foot in front of the other and do what I know needs to happen.

Here's a bit of inspiration for you (and me!!):

And, because I now have this song stuck in my head from the title of this post, here's something to get your praise on (listen all the way to the end!):

In Denial...

Check out this article:  Obesity in America's Church

For a long time, we've joked about the fact that Christians are so overweight - I've even made the joke that Christians can't drink, smoke, or toke, but we can eat.  ;-)

I believe that the Church is in denial, pure and simple.  We judge others for living 'in sin' and having (too many?) piercings and tattoos and smoking and any number of things, but no one really mentions the sin of the lack of self-control when it comes to food and drink(or, for my Catholic friends, gluttony).

I'm not trying to bash the church at all - on the contrary, I think our leadership should not only lead the flock in spiritual matters, but also physical matters.  

You know, this Bible verse isn't just talking about tattoos and make-up. ;-)  As an obese minister's wife, I realize I'm the pot calling the kettle black, but I hope you can hear my heart in this.  I think we can do so much better than what we're doing right now.

What do you think?  I want to hear!! 

Have a blessed weekend, y'all!!

Bugg and Body update :-)

So I went to the doctor Friday for the first time since I had my meltdown at the end of February and started on this new journey of fitness, and found out that since February 22, I have lost exactly 25 lbs and my BMI has dropped by 5 points! :-)  I think it could have been more, but the last few weeks I've not been as active as I'd have like (due to migraines and travel), but i will take 25 lbs anytime!

My bodybugg usage has gotten better.  Basically, I just had to accept that there were certain things that I'd have to do to make sure my bodybugg and iPhone were useful - namely, reconnecting anytime I wanted an accurate read-out.  I suppose this is to be expected for most techies out there, but this instant-gratification girl had to learn that the hard way.

I absolutely LOVE that I have a pretty accurate of my calorie burn.  For example, yesterday, after walking/running 3 miles on the treadmill, I burned nearly 500 calories MORE than my goal AND walked over 1,000 steps over my step goal, too!  Love that part.  Here's a screen pic of my bodybugg dashboard for iPhone:

I'm still using sparkpeople.com to track my food/calorie intake, though.  Mainly because Bodybugg's food tracker leaves quite a bit to be desired.  So on bodybuggs' dashboard, I should be able to see my calorie deficit (my calorie burn minus my calorie intake - you always want a deficit to loose weight), but I don't because I use sparkpeople.com to track my food.  Then I just try to make sure my calorie burn is MORE than my calorie intake by just checking between to the two apps.  Who knows, maybe they'll improve the app for food tracking, but for right now it kinda sucks. :-/

In other news - Happy Mother's Day!!  Hope all the mothers/grandmothers/godmothers out there have a beautiful day!

Here's a little bit of inspiration for you before I sign out:

Buggin'......

Sooooo.....guess who just got a new bodybuggsp?  Me, me, me!!  Today's the first day I wore my new bodybugg (the sp is attached to the name because it supposedly links to your smartphone, but I have to say, I am NOT impressed with the linking...more about that in a bit). 

Once I got the bodybugg armband adjusted right so it didn't hurt my arm or cut off circulation, it was acutally so comfortable that I forgot it was there!  Now, today I did NOT do any additional exercise (except walk to work, but I've been doing that for a while) because I thought it would be cool to see how many calories I burn just being me.  Unfortunately just being me today consisted of being chained to my desk working on resident correspondence and such, so I've been thinking all day that my calorie burn is going to be depressingly low.

Well, not so!! :-)  I burned over 2500 calories today just being me.  I can't wait till next week when I start my new (again) exercise schedule and really watch those calories climb up!! 

So, for my review of the bodybuggsp:

While I'm happy with the way it works when you upload the info via USB at your computer, the main reason I wanted the bodybuggsp was because you can link/sync it to your iphone, iPod or droid and get pretty much real-time calorie burn info.  Not so.  It worked for all of 13 minutes synced with my iPhone.  Then, I'd try to link the bluetooth with my iPhone, sync with the bodybugg program and it would go off. 

I'm hoping beyond hope that now that I've done the initial upload via USB that somehow, magically, the uploads via bluetooth to my iPhone will now work.  I have a feeling from all the negative app reviews though, that it won't be doing that.

I'll let you all know how it's doing within the next week.

Now, for some kind of good news....I don't know exactly how much weight I've lost, but it's somewhere around the 20-25 lb mark.  I've gone down a pants size!!

Hope y'all have a GREAT weekend!!

Common - it's a good thing. ;-)

I ran across something just now that I thought might help a lot of people (like me) going through weight loss struggles.  I've posted songs from Mandisa before here on my li'l blog, so hopefully you guys are a *little* familiar with her. ;-) 

For those who aren't - Mandisa auditioned years ago on American Idol and wowed the judges at her audition with her vocals.  Problem was, after she got her "golden ticket", Simon (you know, dear old Simon) said some pretty hurtful things about her size.  She didn't even know he'd said them until AFTER her AI journey was nearly over and she was watching episodes with her family! 

Anyway, she turned that hurt into inspiration, so to speak, and today, she just posted some awesome news on her official FB page: http://www.facebook.com/#!/mandisaofficial

I share with you guys things that help me see that I'm not alone.  And Mandisa's journey has soooo inspired me!  It's because of her that I've stumbled across some major tools for my wieght loss journey: Lisa TerKeurst's Made to Crave, and Beth Moore's Praying God's Word. 

There is a verse that I found through the Mandisa/Lisa/Beth's guidance, that really hit home:

NO temptaion has taken you except what is common to man.  God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted above what you are able, but will with the temptation also make the way of excape, that you may be able to endure it.  I Cor 10:13

Check out that first line: "No temptation has taken you, except what is common to man."  The worst lie the enemy could ever feed us (and sadly, the most effective) is that we are alone in what we're going through.  Can I just tell you, that YOU ARE NOT ALONE?  The creator of the universe - who cares so much about each of us individually that he individually numbered each individual hair on our head - promised YOU that what you're going through someone else is going through.  That temptation you're facing - someone else is facing.  That battle you're fighting -  someone else is fighting.  YOU ARE NOT ALONE. 

We may never meet each other on this side of Heaven, but we can rest assured that we have a fellowship of believers who are right there with us - walking the same path we're walking - united in our goal.

God bless you on your journey - whatever that journey may be.  Here's a last little bit of inspiration for the journey ahead:

my first video blog!

Check out my first video blog!  I hope there will be many more to come! 

This video kind of explains where's I've been the last few days, and gives you just a glimpse of some battles I've been facing. 

Stay tune - my next blog will detail some goals Jerry and I have set for this year!  I'm so excited!! :-)

New Year, New...???

I hope everyone is having a GREAT new year so far!  Despite some yucky sickness running its course through my house, we're doing pretty well on this end of the 'net.

What goals have you set for yourself this year? 

J and I have decided on several different goals this year, but I won't bore you with the details of them all in one post.  The one I feel most empowered for is to get healthy in 2012!  I've just realized I've not set a goal that I would loose xxx amount of pounds in so many months, but instead my goals are more here-and-now focused.  Things like staying within my calorie goals each day and drinking my water each day ... or NOT drinking a mountain dew!  Today, I'm pleased to announce, I've hit all three of those goals!  Yay me! (LOL)

I'm in the middle of reading a book which I HIGHLY recommend titled Made to Crave: Satisyfing Your Deepest Desire With God, Not Food  by Lysa TerKeurst.  Oh. My. Word.  I'm telling you, I feel like she is telling my very own story in this book!  For so long, I've had such a battle with my relationship with food - and I've realized that my relationship with the Lord is not as strong as I'd like it to be (or even as strong as it has been in the past).  But making the connection between the two was a pretty far-fetched task for me.  Maybe because I didn't really want to see it - who knows? 

I'll be updating y'all on my progress through the book, I'm sure.  :-)  But I do want to leave you with a tidbit that has really made a difference for me.  You know that saying that we've all heard a million-bazillion times: "Nothing tastes as good as thin fills."  I've heard it and repeated it until, honestly, it has no meaning whatsoever for me anymore.  But when you think about the struggle that a person with food issues/addictions has had (like me) just being 'thin' isn't going to be enough of a motivator to make a difference in the choices they are making when they are faced with a stressful/depressing/difficult day or decision. 

But, for me, the motivation of having VICTORY over a struggle that has defeated me for way too many years seems to be the exact motivator I need.  So my new mantra is:

Nothing tastes as good as VICTORY feels.

Victory.  That's all I'm aiming for, y'all.

Mod-er-what???

What a CRAZY December this has been!  We've had something going on nearly every night!  As you can imagine with the holidays being here, the last thing on my mind most days is my fitness and nutrition.  But that doesn't mean I'm going to be spending the next couple of weeks binging on all the once-a-year kind of treats that we enjoy.  No, I"m going to be spending the next couple of weeks having some of my favorites in moderation.    (By the way, that delectable delight below is my version of my Granny's fondant balls - we only get those once a year!! Yummmmmm....)

That sees like such a foreign concept for a southern girl, you know?  Why not eat everything in sight since we only get this stuff once a year?? 

Because we have a job to do, people!  It's called life - and if we aren't doing our best to LIVE, we won't be having much of a life, will we? 

So, please join me in having some goodies this year - just a few to enjoy - and we'll continue on our journey together, shall we?

Merry Christmas, everyone!